| Asset | Last Price | 24h Change | Sentiment | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Bitcoin | $69,420 | +∞% | 🚀🚀🚀 | “Number go up” is a research methodology. |
| Tesla | $420.69 | -13% | 🙃 | CEO tweeted; physics filed a complaint. |
| GameStop | $1,337 | +900% | 🧻🦍 | r/wallstreetbets switched from therapy to options. |
| Coffee Futures | $3.50 | +12% | ☕ | Fueling analysts since forever. |
| VIX (Feelings Index) | Unquantifiable | +anxiety | 😵💫 | Now tracking number of open Fed tabs. |
Price: $4.20 / month or one kidney in Q3 valuation.
featuring crying Wojaks and coping strategies
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Founded in a moment of sheer panic and caffeine overdose, Fuck Markets began as a group chat for people who lost money and their sanity in 2020. Now we’re a full-blown anti-financial-media experiment dedicated to helping you laugh through your losses.
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Chad B., Former Millionaire (Now Roommate of Parents)
Vanessa L., Ex-Crypto Queen
Priya K., Spiritual Investor
